Not getting what you want?… Here’s one simple question… What prevents you?
People often tell me what they think that they want. Sometimes it’s accompanied with some physical incongruity or tension – Eg. They may be speaking in the positive whilst their head is shaking, or they may speak with excess tension and extra adjectives – “I’m absolutely, definitely going to do it”.
One of the reasons I dislike conscious goal setting is that people create such bad goals consciously – too influenced by other people or not aligned with their own intrinsic motivations.
Also – if they are conscious of their goal, and it’s congruent, then they would already have it. People rarely tell me about the things they want without tension or incongruity – because when there’s no tension they tend to get those things without any excess effort or drama.
So, when someone is able to articulate what they want (or to be more precise, what they consciously think they want) one simple response is, “good for you; do that then.”
And then comes the ‘but…’
Another way to get to the ‘but’ is to ask, “What prevents you?”
They have to go looking for the feeling or thought process that pops up to obstruct their action. If you can elicit and overcome the obstacles, the you have a chance of succeeding without relying upon effortful, exhausting and un-sustainable will power.
BUT – Here’s the thing… The chances are that the ‘but’ is there for a good reason – so work with it instead of fighting it.
What’s the intention in the ‘but’?
Make sure that intension is satisfied one way or another.