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Or should that be - everything is Metaphor???
This week one of my clients sent me a link to a very satisfying BBC radio programme about using metaphor for healing and I responded with the story below. Having written it I thought it was worth blogging…
A couple of years ago on the celebrity dancing thing, Kate Garraway from GMTV was a contestant and performed really badly. She began with an injury (which could well have been an indication of unconsciously not wanting to do it) and then went through the motions of flopping around for a few weeks and being consistently criticised by the judges.
During her last week she developed a mystery back problem - it was very painful for her but the medical professionals we unable to find anythting wrong.
Regardless, she had her back strapped up with what looked like loads of strips of plaster and bravely took to the dance floor to dance the tango on the night. The music started - It was The Killers, ‘Somebody told me’.
There is a repetitious lyric in the song: “Breaking my back just to know your name… Breaking my back and I’ve had it with these games”
She must have heard those words a thousand times that week like a mantra - and the conscious being consumed with the trance induction of learning a dance - surely it could easily have gone in at a deep level.
Here’s a game for you… think of your late teens - what was the song lyric that echoes around in there??? Is this interesting? Better still - are you aware of the simple mantra-like phrases that you run like operating software in your system?
Daryll.
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I have added a page to this website featuring my children’s book. I’m eager to receive feedback/opinions/support. Comments please… http://www.daryllscott.com/childrens-book/
Daryll.
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Ben and I started working with Apple earlier this year. During our first meeting with them last year we asked about their values - they have just one: “Being Apple”.
Not only is this a bit ambiguous - they do nothing to qualify or specifty it. Although this may cause problems with performance management, “Sorry, you’re just not Apple enough,” having the confidence to be ambiguous about values is the stuff of genius - Steve Jobs you are my hero - at last an organisation that understands what values really are!
A value is tacit, you feel it, it drives behaviour and we will all attribute a slightly different meaning to a value. As an example, let’s imaging you had a value of ‘integrity’ - it’s a great value, but how could you possibly describe it as a behaviour? If someone were in a meeting demonstrating integrity - how would you know? Any evaluation of this nature would be ridiculously subjective and corrupted by your opinion of the person. To specify the value as a behavioural description takes the value away from the value. Values are ‘big picture’ if you provide detailed descriptions they are no longer values - they are instructions.
When you go into the office at Apple - you can feel what ‘Being Apple’ is from the environment and the behaviour of people around you. Environment and behaviour of others influences behaviour far more than any carefully constructed words ever could….
Ben and I have developed a facilitation game for helping individuals to genuinely connect with values. It’s featured in our new book called ‘Feedback or Criticism?’ which is released next month. You can download a preview copy from the noggin website.
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Those of you that know me are probably more than aware that John Grinder is my Obi Wan Kenobi. I would like to share this video of John with you.
If you are an involved in NLP it’s a great reminder of which part of the client we are creating rapport with and talking to. Discard the conscious narrative (with the exception of marked words) and pay attention only to the process.
If you are not familiar with NLP this will still be of value. I would love to know how you find my mentor/teacher/personal hero. Enjoy…
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There are three reasons for my latest U-turn:
1. Many of my practitioners seem to get a lot out of practising their skills in this type of environment and enjoy helping others that are new to NLP.
2. There are quite a few people doing NLP in the Reading area and I would love to meet them.
3. Some of my friends have had a little exposure to NLP through reading a book or talking about it with a practitioner, so it would be great to provide an opportunity for them to ‘dip their toe’ in an experiential environment (and clean up a few misconceptions).
So I will be running free evening sessions from 6:00pm to 9:00pm on: 9th April, 7th May, 4th June, 9th July, 6th August, 10th September and 8th October at my training venue - click here for address and directions.
We will probably leave half an hour for catching-up socially before kicking off at about 6:30. If it’s challenging to get there on time - It’s Ok to arrive a little late.
It’s first come - first served and I’m limiting numbers to 24 people so please phone me if you want to come along… 07767 785419.
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Of all my current activities - the comedy project seems to be the one that attracts the most attention - so I guess i had better start providing updates…
Yesterday I was modelling Michael Macintyre in one of his very small ‘work in progress’ gigs in Soho. My cousin is an influential journalist and managed to get me a ticket through Macintyre’s agent. I spent the afternoon and evening with a friend in The Groucho Club - just down the road from the theatre - and lost track of time, so arrived at the theatre 10 minutes into the act. This was not ideal for two reasons:
Firstly, the ’state’ that the comedian selects to enter the stage is a consequential element of the performance, and i missed it.
Secondly, the entrance to the room was on the stage area, so I ‘entered stage left’ to find myself standing next to a startled Mr Macintyre who was 10 minutes into his act, and became the content of the next 10 minutes.
All in all, a great night and a rich modelling experience. Seeing Rob Brydon on Saturday night…
Nearly ready to go on an ‘open mic evening’ for testing - just debating whether to let anyone know when I do…
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I don’t know if you are aware that I wrote a children’s book last year. It’s about lots of things like flexibility in problem solving and helping/feedback; it’s designed to encourage neuro-plasticity in kids (and hopefully for the rest of their lives).
One of my friends, Jo, asked me to base the next kid’s book on those limiting words, “I can’t”. I fired off a quick reply to her making a couple of immediate suggestions which she used and got great results with her son. I thought I would share them with you. When you bump up against the words. “I Can’t”:
1. Really? How do you know you can’t? (causes confusion - get the helpful suggestion in quickly)
2. Show me how you can’t… (they will either surprise themselves by being able to do it, or pretend not to be able - if they do the latter play along - attempt to show them and mess it up yourself to get them laughing - make it into a game - you will soon run out of ‘wrong’ ways to do it and then it’s easy to get them to do it successfully)
3. That’s right, you can’t do it YET…. (make the impossibility temporal) You can add to this by suggesting that they imagine what it will be like when they can… and how they will do it.
4. Don’t stop thinking you can’t until you work out how you can. (This pattern has more than a whiff of Milton Erickson about it)
5. What would Sporticus do? (or whoever the current hero is)
Have a go - it’s fun! (which is, from my perspective, the whole point)
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My friend Paul Simpson is a great thinker, fiercely intelligent, passionate and outspoken.
We were talking about the paradox of clients choosing their expert advisers. I often wonder how well equipped the client is to make the selection - if they were knowledgeable enough to know who was giving the best advice they probably wouldn’t need the external input.
Paul has worked in a variety of interesting PR rolls and he maintains that clients are unlikely to choose the expert that they could benefit most from - because they are more likely to choose the one they are most comfortable with; not too different to what they are doing already.
In challenging market conditions and on the back of dramatic changes, I’m not sure that many organisations can afford ‘comfort’ is a criterion for evaluation. For great results from external consultants and advisors; step outside of your comfort zone.
What do you think???
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Journalists hate writing about ‘the credit crunch’ or anything else that’s inaccessible and very technical because one of two things happens:
1. They don’t really ‘get it’ and, in writing about it from a naïve perspective, they present their inadequate information in an over simplified way.
2. They do really ‘get it’ but, in writing about it in less than a thousand words for a naïve audience, they dumb it down and present information in an over simplified way.
Either way – same outcome, dumb and over simplified editorial.
I find a lot of writing about NLP difficult to read for precisely the same reason. I’m never quite sure if the writer is really thinking in such explicit over-simplified terms or if it is an unavoidable consequence of writing about something that is, for the most part, experiential.
For example; in order to communicate the ‘spirit’ of a change agent in explicit terms, Bandler and Grinder (the co-creators of NLP) coined a handful of phrases that have become badged ‘the presuppositions of NLP’. They are extremely resourceful presumptions, but they are not ‘true’ – in most cases it’s quite easy to find a counter example. They are guidelines that work well as long as you remain flexible. I am alarmed by how many people seem to ‘believe in’ these phrases like dogmatic mantras.
One of my friends, Malc, is a brilliant scientist and asked me, “What’s the difference between a presupposition and a theory.” It’s a brilliant question. If you are interested in the answer, post a comment and I will answer it.
In the meantime; enjoy the following snippet of script from Monty Python’s Life of Brian’
BRIAN: No. No, please! Please! Please listen. I’ve got one or two things to say…
FOLLOWERS: Tell us. Tell us both of them.
BRIAN: Look. You’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody! You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals!
FOLLOWERS: Yes, we’re all individuals!
BRIAN: You’re all different!
FOLLOWERS: Yes, we are all different!
DENNIS: I’m not.
ARTHUR: Shhhh.
FOLLOWERS: Shhhh.
BRIAN: You’ve all got to work it out for yourselves!
FOLLOWERS: Yes! We’ve got to work it out for ourselves!
BRIAN: Exactly!
FOLLOWERS: Tell us more!
BRIAN: No! That’s the point! Don’t let anyone tell you what to do! Otherwise– Ow! No!
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